Neglect – the effect it has on your child

Neglect – the effect it has on your child

 ‘’Parent’s do matter’’.

Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don’t realize what messages they are sending.  Virginia Satir

Attachment disorders – a result of child neglect

The time between birth and 5 years is a critical time in a child’s life, during which the child learns to bond with his/her parents. The parents are a child’s primary caregivers. If a child is neglected during this time, it can lead to lifelong insecurity in the child and affect all future relationships they may have.

The ability to form bonds (to love and connect) develops in infants when they are being looked after by someone who is available to soothe, console, comfort and protect them consistently . Babies internalize their parents (and other attachment figures) as a secure base. This allows them to feel safe internally and to explore the world around them with confidence. Primary attachment figure(s) cannot suddenly be replaced, because that relationship is unique and stable.

This means that a child who loses a primary giver during this stage of development is in danger of developing an attachment disorder. Many children experience the loss of primary caregivers, either because they are physically separated from them or because the caregiver is incapable of providing adequate care.

Please note: Many children experience disruptions in their relationships with caregivers, and many children become aggressive, hypervigilant, or defiant. However, these children do not necessarily have attachment disorders. It is a disorder that is diagnosed by a health professional fro example a psychiatrist. Listed here are a few examples of loss or neglect that cause attachment problems:

  • Being orphaned by the death of a primary caregiver
  • Abandonment by the father or mother
  • Placement in foster care / orphanage
  • Caregivers who abuses drugs
  • Caregivers that are not reliably or consistently present
  • Caregivers that respond in an unpredictable and uncertain way
  • Exposure to multiple caregivers instead of one
  • Caregivers who have multiple unmanageable stressors
  • Caregivers who have been maltreated or have experienced multiple attachment disruptions themselves.
  • Caregivers who fail to protect children against harm – be it from family or outsiders.

What types of neglect can cause attachment disorders?

  •  When you fail to make your child feel safe and cared for
  • When your baby cries and you don’t respond or offer comfort.
  • When your baby is hungry or wet, and they aren’t attended to for hours.
  • When no one looks at, talks to, or smiles at the baby, so the baby feels alone.
  • When your young child gets attention only by acting out or displaying other extreme behaviors.
  • When your young child or baby is mistreated or abused (this includes corporal punishment).
  • When you are inconsistent in caring for the child – sometimes the child’s needs are met and sometimes they aren’t. The child never knows what to expect.

As the child grows up, they struggle to form and sustain relationships. They struggle with low self-esteem and to trust others. They have a low self-worth because they feel no one ever really cared about them. Because this often happens in dysfunctional families, the problems tend to be long lasting and be dominant even in their adult lives.

What does a neglected child look like?

  •  They fail to thrive.
  • Their hygiene might be poor because of neglect.
  • In contrast to normal thriving children, neglected children might present with weaker motor coordination and muscle tone.
  • Their appearance can be bewildered, unfocused, and under stimulated.
  • They often have a blank expression, with eyes lacking the usual luster and joy
  • Their responses towards people differs from that of normal children – they can’t read body language, they don’t know how to interpret facial expressions, they avoid eye contact or body contact. They might protest being pick-up or have no boundaries at all towards strangers.

  • A child who rarely or minimally responds to comfort when distressed
  • Minimal social and emotional responses to others
  • Episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness or tearfulness
  • Limited expressions of positive affect or joy
  • Evidence of inadequate basic emotional and social care taking

  • Lack of reticence in approaching and interacting with unfamiliar adults
  • Overly familiar verbal or physical behaviors such as hugging strangers, or sitting on the laps of unfamiliar adults
  • Willingness to approach a complete stranger for comfort or food, to be picked up, or to receive a toy
  • Diminished or absent checking back with adult caretaker when in unfamiliar situations
  • Evidence of inadequate social and emotional care taking, sometimes with a history of repeated changes in the primary caretaker

The child  uses psychological defenses (eg, avoidance or ambivalence) to avoid disappointments with the caregiver.

It’s someone who avoids getting attached emotionally to other people or situations.

People with a Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style will tend to keep an emotional distance between themselves and their partners.

They could come across as ambivalent, and while they do want to have their emotional needs met, their fear of being close can get in the way.

Someone with Anxious-Avoidant Attachment style will be preoccupied (even obsessed) with their relationships. They tend to read way too much between the lines, whether it’s text messages, conversations, actions, or other social situations.

It is considered to be the most advantageous attachment style. Anxious-ambivalent attachment occurs when the infant feels separation anxiety when separated from the caregiver and does not feel reassured when the caregiver returns to the infant. Anxious-avoidant attachment occurs when the infant avoids their parents.


Get help

Most of the treatment for  attachment disorders (is provided by primary caregivers (eg, parents or substitute parents) in their everyday interactions with the child. Ideally, these caregivers can rely on the expertise and advice of a mental health professional who is aware of the emotional needs of children, the phenomenology of attachment disruptions, and the need to repair and recreate the sense of security in the child. Referral to a mental health professional may be critical.


Preventive efforts are essential. Providing support and safe environments to stressed families and single parents is crucial for helping children to have a good early experience and to form appropriate bonds. This is preferable to removal. It is important for child welfare services and the courts to understand that removing a child from parents does harm and is not a benign intervention.


Our helpline is free and you may remain anonymous.

Just click on LIVE CHAT

More information:

Toxic parents – how to survive them


Toxic parents – how to survive them



Comments are closed.