It isn’t BIG to make others feel small..
Bullying is never acceptable, and can be highly dangerous. Children who are being bullied should tell their parents or a teacher. Parents should talk to teachers and administrators. Friends, neighbors, relatives and the community as a whole must get behind the effort in South Africa, to stop incidents of bullying.
By understanding and being able to recognize this hurtful behaviour, we can more easily take steps to stop it.
Anonymous Quote on the internet:
”Someone who hates you normally hates you for one of three reasons. They either see you as a threat. They hate themselves. Or they want to be you.”
Fast facts on bullying:
- More than 3.2 million learners are bullied yearly in South Africa.
- More than 67% of bully victims will not ask a teacher for help because they don’t think it will change their situation.
- 90% of school bullying is carried out by learners.
- 8% of school bullying is carried out by teachers.
- The Western Cape has the most reported cases of bullying with over 18.5% of learners reporting acts of abuse.
- 160 000 high school learners bunk school daily to avoid being bullied.
- 1 in 10 learners drop out of school to avoid being bullied.
- Teens who are gay are often subjected to such intense bullying that they do not receive an adequate education.
- There is a connection between bullying and being exposed to violence. Unfortunately, by the time an average child enters kindergarten, he will have witnessed 8,000 murders on television.
Types of bullying:
• Direct bullying is often the most obvious, and more often seen in boys. Direct bullying might include physical attacks like hitting or punching, or verbal abuse, like name calling or teasing.
• Indirect bullying is less obvious, and more often seen in girls. Indirect bullying might include saying mean or untrue things, spreading rumours or ignoring someone.
• Cyber bullying is just as serious. Internet or cyber bullying might include sharing inappropriate pictures of someone, posing as someone else to spread rumours or lies, or sending harassing messages.
Who are bullies and who gets bullied?
Bullies may exhibit the following behaviors:
• May control or manipulate others to get his own way
• May be aggressive, nasty, spiteful, and combative
• May be impulsive and quick to anger
• Might enjoy pushing, name calling, or teasing other children
• May be defiant and pushy toward adults, including parents and teachers
• May be unfeeling toward others who are victimized
• If a boy, he is often larger or stronger than others his age
Victims of bullies may exhibit the following behaviours:
• May be cautious, quiet, or shy
• May be worried or unhappy, with little self-confidence
• May be depressed or have thoughts of suicide
• May not have a good friend
• May relate better to adults than other kids
• If a boy, may be weaker or smaller than others his age
In addition, there is a small group of young people who both bully others and are the targets of bullying.
School bullying has become a critical problem in South Africa. The bullying statistics in South Africa are often overlooked by both the public and the schools. The public tends to take such incidents lightly and the schools ignore problem because they just don’t want to handle it.
Family Bullying in the home can be physical violence, verbal abuse, or both. It is usually a parent who is imperious and dominating on a regular basis. He or she humiliates and intimidates others, especially if the target is smaller or weaker. Parents who bully can, and do cause emotional and psychological harm to children.
Workplace bullying targets are those individuals that don’t fit in. By possessing some specific characteristic or by showing a specific behavior, they unwittingly end up as the target of a bully.
Dont’t take videos of bullying incidents or send them on.
Why not? Your first response should be to stop what is going on, not making a film of it. Gathering evidence must always come second to protecting the victim. The circulation of bullying videos causes added trauma to the victim. You can just imagine the amount of trauma added if a video goes viral.
Your child exhibits the following signs:
• Comes home with dirty, torn, or wet clothes or “loses” things without being able to explain what happened
• Has unexplained bruises, cuts and scratches, or other injuries
• Loses interest in school and gets poor grades
• Does not bring friends home or visit with friends after school
• Seems afraid or refuses to go to school
• Takes an “illogical” route to school
• Seems unhappy, downhearted, depressed or moody, or has sudden outbursts of anger
• Eats poorly or complains of headaches or stomach aches
• Sleeps poorly, cries out in his sleep or has nightmares
• Asks for extra money (because a bully is demanding it)
The Act that protects you against harassment or bullying online or in the real world and allows for protection orders to be issued is the Protection from Harassment Act from 2013.
In terms of the Act, harassment includes:
- directly of indirectly
- engaging in conduct
- that the alleged perpetrator ( bully) knows or ought to know
- causes mental, psychological, physical, financial or emotional harm to the complainant (victim) or inspires the reasonable belief that such harm may be caused.
This means if someone is causing harm in ways mentioned above, you can get a protection order against that person, and it goes for online bullying or bullying in real life.
If your child is the witness
If you see something, say something…
Bullying happens in front of others. Often kids who witness bullying may laugh or join in, even when they don’t want to. They want to fit in and naturally are afraid of becoming the next victim. But in reality, witnesses are extremely powerful.
Most bullies love an audience. And when a witness stands up to a bully or makes it clear that they don’t like what is happening, bullying often stops in a few seconds. Being a hero can make all the difference.
Tips on how to handle bullying
• Don’t give the bully an audience. Walk away; this shows the bully that his mean behaviour is not funny or okay.
• Speak up. Tell the bully that what she is doing is wrong by saying, “That’s not funny,” or “Let’s get out of here,” or something similar. Kids can stand up for each other, and when one stands up, others may have more confidence to do the same.
• Be a friend. Sometimes kids get picked on because they don’t have any friends or people to stand up for them. When kids befriend someone who is being bullied, the bully is less likely to keep bothering them. Friendship can also give kids more confidence to stand up for themselves
• Ask others for help. When more kids stand up to bullies, the bully realizes that his actions are not okay.
• Get an adult. Sometimes kids who are getting bullied think that if they ask an adult to help, the bullying will get worse. When other kids speak up, everyone is safer.
You can do a self-test quiz on being a bully or being the victim of a bully to learn more about bullying.
If you have more questions, you can chat to an online facilitator on LIVE CHAT. The service is free and you may stay anonymous. We are online Sunday: 18h00-20h00; Monday – Thursday : 19h00-21h00.
Book a session
You can book a session for counselling with the following therapists: