How to find and make friends

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How to find and make friends

“True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.”

A friend is someone you care about and who cares about you. It differs from an acquaintance, who is someone who exchanges small talk with you.

A friend shares interaction and communication with you on a deeper level, where there is mutual trust, comfort, acceptance and loyalty.

Alfred Adler, a Viennese psychologist said:¹

It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring. 


Characteristics of a GOOD friend:

  • Shows genuine interest in your life,
  • listens to you, respect your opinions
  • accept you unconditionally
  • are trustworthy and loyal
  • help you succeed in what you do
  • share things with you

Characteristics of a BAD friend:

  • Person is controlling
  • critical, selfish
  • abuses your generosity
  • runs you down
  • drags you down with bad influences
  • is not trustworthy or loyal to stick with you in bad times.

Warning signs that someone is a toxic friend:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/23-warning-signs-of-a-tox_b_9645474


How to be a good friend:

  • Invest to increase – the more you put in, the more you get out of a friendship.
  • Do unto others as you want them to do unto you. Be the best friend you can be.
  • Always be prepared to listen – you have two ears and one mouth.
  • Do not smother another person – if you love someone, set them free, give them space to live and breathe.
  • Aside from trust and loyalty, do not set to many rules in your friendship. Let it evolve naturally.

TIP: ¹

  • Never criticise, condemn or complain.
  • Always give honest and sincere appreciaton.
    • Dale Carnegie. ”How to win friends and influence people.

Meeting new people

There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to meet new people. Perhaps your parents never taught you how to make friends as an adult. It is different from the way in which kids make friends. For some people, it is a step out of their comfort zone. Making the right friends can make your life ten times more enjoyable. It’s way better than just accepting that you’ll have to spend your time in a lonely and dull state, while you know you deserve better than that.

Always wear a smile. A Chinese proverb says ”a man without a smiling face must not open a shop. Remember the expression you wear on your face is more important than your clothes. A dog is a good example of showing happiness  – he nearly jumps out of his skin excitement when he sees you, and that makes us glad to see them too.

A simple, but crucial tip is that having one commonality with someone is not enough—you need two commonalities to create a friendship. When you go to social gatherings and start meeting new people, look for things that you have in common other than the main subject of the meeting.

The best way to get to know someone is to encourage them to talk about themselves. Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men to rule Brittian said: ‘ I talk to people about themselves and they listen for hours.” Emmerson said that he viewed everyman he met as superior to himself in some way. In that, he learned from them.

TIP: ¹

  • Remember a person’s name. 
  • Show genuine interest in other people. 
  • Listen attentively.
  • Make the other person feel important.
    • Dale Carnegie. ”How to win friends and influence people.

Ideas where to meet people:

Now, of course, you have to know how to talk to people, have a little fun, exchange contact information and take it from there. But, knowing where to go to meet people can make the whole process of making friends easier for you.

  • Join or take a class.
  • Get involved in sports/gym.
  • Join a non-profit or just go to their events
  • Volunteer to help out.
  • The Dog Park: or any pet-related event (if you have a pet)
  • Invite someone for a movie or coffee.
  • Online Forums: Fitness, Dating, Sports
  • Track down lost friends via social media.
  • Offer to help with a carpool to work.
  • Attend art gallery openings, book readings, lectures, movie premieres.
  • Professional Events: Fairs, Function-Driven Groups
  • Singles Clubs and Events and Speed Dating
  • Self Improvement clubs: meditation, holistic healing.
  • Contests and Tournaments: Poker, Video-games, Races, Dance contests
  • Wine/Beer Events: Casual-Drinkers clubs, Beer Fans, Wine Tasting.


Dale Carnegie wrote in his book:¹

”Bernard Shaw said if you teach a man anything, he will never learn. We learn by doing.”

It means if we want to make friends and win people over, we have to practise the principles of making friends.


References & Resources:

¹ Dale Carnegie. ”How to win friends and influence people.” Vermillion. United Kingdom. 1981

 

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