How to find love

How to find love

Are you desperate to find that special person that you can love for the rest of your life?

Important things you have to know:

Firstly, you have to be happy and content on your own, for you to be happy with another person. Never expect your partner to make you happy. He/she can just add to your happiness and contentment and help you lead a fuller life. They will not be able to ‘make’ you happy. If that is what you expect from a partner, you will be place a lot of strain on your relationship right from the start.

Secondly, if you want a perfect partner, you have to be a perfect partner. It is important to know what you want – you can even make a list of aspects that you want in a dream partner. Look in the mirror. Are you what a dream partner is looking for? Most singles start out in their teens or twenties wanting the best partner in all aspects, and by the time they’re twenty five, they drop their expectations a wee bit. And by the time they reach their thirties, they drop all their expectations and date anyone they get.

Now obviously, even if you find your partner by dropping all your expectations, you’re never going to be completely, truly happy in love. You’re always going to look at someone else, and wonder how things could have been if you could have been with your dream partner.

This is one of the biggest reasons why some people start to fall out of love with their own partners after a few years into a long term relationship.

Thirdly, get to know someone vertically very well, before you get to know them horizontally. Fast-paced relationships more often than not, ends in disaster. People always put their best foot forward early in a relationship, but after a year or 18 months it becomes difficult to keep up pretenses. By then the real ”person” appears, and it might be a totally different person and personality that you initially thought. Have a look at the 12 Steps to Intimacy on how slow a relationship should actually progress, for you get to really get to know a person well.

Tips to find that special person:

Present yourself as someone who’s available. Consider your appearance. When you’re looking for love, dress like the best version of yourself. Be an attentive and encouraging listener. If you find someone interesting, ask a lot of questions. Be honest and sincere. In other words, be yourself.

1. Ask yourself – does the relationship feel right for me. Forget what everyone else is saying.
2. Don’t make searching for love your only goal in life.
3. Don’t rely on first impressions – it is not reliable.
4. Know your own flaws and short comings.
5. Get to know a person very well, before engaging in a sexual relationship.
6. Make having fun a priority.
7. Handle rejection gracefully.

  • If you are in a relationship – nurture it.
  • Make time for it.
  • Practice open communication.
  • Learn how to handle conflict constructively.
  • Accept change – relationships are not static.

Sometimes a relationship can go haywire with demands, broken trust, lots of fighting and more unhappy moments than happy moments. Take a step back if this happens and have a good look at your relationship. If you find it difficult to process what is wrong, please talk to a counselor – for example on MOBIEG Live Chat.

Be aware of the following warning signs:

It may indicate trouble is brewing in a relationship. They are called red flags.

Don’t ignore red flags. redflag2

  • Jealousy / no trust
  • Dependence or Controlling behaviour
  • Relationship is only sexual
  • No one-on-one time
  • Pressure from partner for you to change
  • Secrecy
  • Rage and unchecked bursts of anger
  • Belittling behavior in front of others
  • Feeling of underlying fear
  • Feelings of depression
  • Lies & deception


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