Many infants become anxious when separated from their primary caregivers ( parents). As they develop they learn to understand that the parent will return and they learn to comfort themselves while their parents are away.¹
Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (e.g., a parent, caregiver, significant other or siblings).
The anxiety is beyond what would be expected for one’s developmental level. This can occur in children, adolescents, or adults but is more commonly found in children and can induce long-lasting, continuous anxiety for periods of up to six weeks.
According to Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, children with separation anxiety disorder tend to come from families with a history of depression and anxiety. Studies have shown that anxiety is heritable. She also states that parents of anxious children are more controlling and intrusive in their behaviour. They are more critical and negative in their communication with their children. ¹
Symptoms:
- High levels of distress and anxiety when separated from home or the attachment figure
- Constant worry over losing the attachment figure or having harm done to it
- Persistent worry about experiencing an event that would cause separation from the attachment figure
- Difficulty or refusal to go out for fear of separation
- Fear of being alone or without attachment figure
- The reluctance to sleep away from home or go to sleep without being near attachment figure
- Nightmares about separation
- Separation anxiety disorder can also manifest physical symptoms such as:
- Headaches
- Stomachaches
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Bedwetting
- Physical symptoms are more often seen in teens and adults.
To meet the diagnosis, these symptoms must cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, academic, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The symptoms cannot be better accounted for by another mental disorder or caused by substances, medications, or medical illness.
Duration: at least four weeks in children; 6 months or longer in adults
Causes
Separation anxiety disorder affects people of all ages but is most commonly seen in children and teens under 18. A common sign to look for in children is a strong reluctance to go to school. Children who refuse to go to school may not want to go because they do not want to be separated from their attachment figure.
Feeling anxious when separated from security objects and comfort zones is natural. It is around ages three to four when social anxiety can become a bigger problem. When separation anxiety becomes overwhelming and begins to interfere with daily activities, such as going to school or work, it could be possible that these natural worries have evolved into a clinical case of separation anxiety disorder. Image: Photo by Kat J on Unsplash
Get help
Control your anxiety.
Children are incredibly skilled at picking up on their parent’s anxieties and worries. If you’re too concerned about leaving your child somewhere, chances are your child will be equally worried about being left alone. Your anxieties need to be in control to prevent this from happening.
Keep goodbyes short and sweet.
Ensure you do it without much drama or emotion when you say goodbye before going to work or to the shops. The child needs to feel everything is okay and that you will return shortly. A long, dramatic goodbye may cause anxiety in the child that you won’t return. They’ll miss you before you leave and experience that loss even more challenging once you’ve left.
Never reward fear in your child.
When your child does experience fear when you’re leaving and runs to you, and you respond by hugging your child hard and picking them up and saying, “It’s okay, you’ll be okay”, the child’s fears will be reinforced, tell them in a calm voice ”I will be back soon”, and leave. Rewarding fear by picking them up and comforting them only confirms their fear.
Make them used to the idea of you leaving.
Don’t just leave without warning. Practice leaving them. The first time a child is left alone is when they sleep in their room. You can also practice with a babysitter (or playdates/playgroups) for short periods so they get used to you not being around 24/7. If they are left at school for the first time in their life, it might cause anxiety. Ensure they’re used to the idea of leaving before you’ve ever left them anywhere.
Greet them as generally as possible when you return.
Most children will experience some anxiety if you leave them with someone else. When you return, it is important that you don’t make a huge fuss. Just greet them casually and engage them in an activity that will take their minds off the period of absence. A big fuss might give the child the idea that they were in danger while you weren’t there.
Note: we do the same while training puppies that jump up because of excitement to see you – we ignore them for a bit when we return home – and only engage with them once they are calm.
Listen to your child if they express unrealistic fears and anxiety.
Try and determine where it comes from. Very young children will express intense sadness. Older children can talk about fears. Always praise any small steps your child makes towards independence, from going to bed without throwing a tantrum to going to school without you holding their hands.
Preventing Long Term Anxiety
Separation anxiety is just another potential cause of long-term anxiety problems in children. The behaviours described above are simple and easy to implement. They can profoundly affect your child’s ability to be left with strangers or alone and their emotional development.
About the Author
Ryan Rivera’s parents were very loving, but that love caused them to perform a variety of behaviours that contributed to his separation anxiety. Now that he’s cured, he writes about anxiety for others at www.calmclinic.com
Treatment
Psychotherapy—Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in particular—is commonly used to treat separation anxiety disorder. Given that separation anxiety disorder is treatable and typically starts at a young age, talk with your child’s paediatrician if any separation anxiety disorder symptoms exist. He/she can help diagnose your child and/or direct you to the appropriate physician who can help teach both the child and parents healthy separation techniques.
References & Resources
¹ Abnormal psychology. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Sixth Edition. McGrawhill Education. 2014.
Main image: Pixabay