Author: MobieG

Of all human emotions, perhaps the most useless and destructive is self-pity. Self-pity is excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles. Unlike depression, self-pity is a choice. It keeps you stuck, prevents you from reaching your full potential, undermines your confidence and makes you feel helpless and dis-empowered. How does it feel to be around a person that succumbs to self-pity? DRAINING. Self-pity drives people away. It repels people rather than to attract compassion. Do people sympathize with people who always self-pity? NO People reckon such a person seem to have enough sympathy from themselves already. Does it have any…

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“You don’t own me…” For one in three young people, their first love introduces physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Partner-on-partner violence is more common in South Africa than in any other country. Not surprisingly, one-third of young girls experience abuse and violence in their first relationships as teens. Dating violence often occurs when one partner wants to exert power and control over the other, and boys and girls fall victim to dating violence. What is dating violence? Dating violence is any controlling, abusive or aggressive behaviour in a romantic relationship. It can happen in straight or gay relationships. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.…

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Statistics on unwanted /unplanned pregnancies: “Mothers with tertiary education (11,4%) were four times less likely to have unwanted births compared to mothers with no education (46,3%).” ( http://www.statssa.gov.za/publications/Report-03-00-02/Report-03-00-022020.pdf) “New figures from the Gauteng Department of Health show that more than 23,000 girls under 18 gave birth between April 2020 and March 2021 – of which 934 were under 14 – compared to 14,577 girls aged 19 and under having babies in the same period a year earlier.” (https://reliefweb.int/report/south-africa/teen-pregnancies-south-africa-jump-60-during-covid-19-pandemic) Confirming a pregnancy is a joy to most women, but an unplanned pregnancy is often a shock, a cause of panic and stress. “Early pregnancy and motherhood in South…

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‘You can spend a lifetime trying to forget just a few minutes of your childhood.’ Kristen Butler Victims of sexual abuse during childhood feel terribly ashamed and often responsible for what happened to them. Sworn to secrecy, they are often too young to understand what happened and lack the vocabulary to seek help.¹ Childhood sexual abuse requires treatment to prevent depression and other mental health problems later in life. Statistics have revealed that children are 3x more likely to be victims of rape than adults. In addition, perpetrators of child sexual abuse and rape are more often family members and…

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Is there a difference between being alone and being single? Unfortunately, many people also confuse “singleness” with being alone. Loneliness or being alone: Isn’t it weird that more people feel isolated and alone nowadays? Yet, there are 8 billion people on the planet with the internet and social media that keep all of us connected. Some people are afraid of being alone. They believe they need people around them to feel happy and content. Why is it difficult for someone to be alone? Is there something wrong with you if you always feel alone?  Loneliness is not quantified by the amount of time we…

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“PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions.”  Susan Pease Banitt Fact:  All humans will experience a trauma of some sort somewhere in their lives. Psychological stress and trauma on the body have genuine physical manifestations in the body, such as tension, heart palpitations, trembling, and pain—particularly trauma that hasn’t been fully processed or even acknowledged by the person who experienced it. It means our mind and body are intimately intertwined. Is it possible for unprocessed trauma to get “stored” not just in your subconscious mind and memory but also throughout your physical…

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What is concentration in studying? Concentration is defined as the ability to give something our undivided attention to the exclusion of other distractions. Most students report dissatisfaction with their ability to concentrate and feel they do not work as efficiently as they would like. Can surfing social media affect my concentration? Not only are attention spans shortening, but many users are multitasking while using social media, resulting in even less focus on each job. Through rapid and instant pleasure, social media has taken over our attention spans, impacting our brains’ capacity to focus on anything else we deem less interesting. Life’s…

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STDs are highly contagious diseases that are mainly passed from one person to another during sex. There are at least 25 different sexually transmitted diseases with a range of different symptoms. Sexually transmitted infections (also known as STIs, or STDs for ‘sexually transmitted diseases,’ or VD for ‘venereal diseases’) are infections that commonly have a high probability of being spread from person to person through sexual contact. What is an STI? An STI (sexually transmitted infection) is a germ (virus, bacteria, parasite) that can cause an illness inside a person even though it doesn’t have any symptoms. The term STI…

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Did you know that left unaddressed, chronic loneliness can cause the same amount of damage to your lifespan as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? Fast facts: Nearly half of adults say they often feel alone (46%). Children are no exception. In a recent survey, 2/3 of 11-17-year-old teens indicated they felt stressed out by loneliness. Signs of loneliness: Younger children They create imaginary friends. They seem clingy/ ask you to play with them more than usual. They seek your attention by misbehaving. They act timid or unsure of themselves. They cry more often than other children of their age Adolescents…

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Online dating has become more popular with the rise of the internet, and it is believed that 1:5 relationships begin this way, as well as 1:6 marriages. Fast facts on online dating About 17% of marriages and 20% of relationships begin online. 49 million people have tried online dating, + 8,000 dating sites exist in the world What are the dangers of online dating? About one in 10 people use online dating websites to scam other people. One way people try to scam others they meet online is to get money from them. They build a relationship of trust at…

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What is journaling? Journaling is thinking about your life and writing a line about it. It is a written record of your thoughts, feelings, observations and ideas. Like a diary, it can contain your experiences and events. What are the benefits of journaling? As per a recent study, individuals with different medical conditions and anxiety levels who wrote online for 15 minutes three days a week over 12 weeks experienced enhanced feelings of well-being and reduced depressive symptoms after a month.  NOTE: Gratitude journaling for just a few minutes daily can improve your mental well-being. Expressing yourself when overwhelming emotions…

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“Grooming works by mixing positive behaviours with elements of abuse. In the beginning, all behaviours are positive. Slowly, harsh elements are added in amounts that surprise the survivor but do not push the alarm to a high level. Over time the inappropriate come to feel normal.” Michael Samsel What is Grooming? Grooming is the predatory act of manoeuvring another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behaviour. The goal is to prepare the other person for abuse (for example, sexual or financial) later. Therefore, the first step the groomer…

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Find a job MobieG created this job search engine to assist people in looking for job opportunities. The system constantly scans all South African job websites to allow you to find new opportunities. https://www.mobieg.co.za/jobs/

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What can you do with Grade 9 in South Africa? You have two options. Your first option is studying and your second option is working. What qualification can you study after Grade 9? While universities require a bachelor’s pass at matric level, TVET colleges accept students who’ve passed Grades 9, 10, 11, or 12. Some colleges offer up to 300 different courses. These include the National Certificate (Vocational), NATED / Report 191, NQF Full Time, and Learnerships. This means learners with a formal grade 9 certificate can choose to complete their matric through a traditional academic or technical school, or they can enroll in a…

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Do you feel stuck on the edge of civilization in your town or school, and do not know how to prepare yourself for the world of work or tertiary education? Below are ideas listed to help you expand your horizons despite where you live. Learn to communicate  Participate in drama groups, public speaking, debating clubs, student radio presenting, class rep, and student mentor. Get practical work experience:  as a receptionist, in telesales or market research, and demonstrating in-store products. Look for opportunities to speak in front of an audience and, if need be, make your opportunities: volunteer to talk at…

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12 steps? Did you think there were only three bases? How much do you know about developing a healthy lasting relationship? https://youtu.be/ObbL7hCppJY The 12 steps of intimacy were first described by Desmond Morris, a behavioural scientist. It explains the progression in a relationship from ‘Who on earth are you” to “I cannot live without you”. If you proceed through these steps patiently, it gives you time to really bond. Research has shown couples who go through these steps, tend to enjoy longer relationships and have a much slimmer chance of break-up or divorce – compared to couples who went…

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Toxic parents – how to survive them What is a toxic parent? A parent who won’t compromise, take responsibility for their behaviour, or apologize is a toxic parent. They often have a  mental illness or serious addiction. They can cause a lot of pain and lasting psychological problems for their children. Read more about: Are your parents toxic? Do you have toxic parents? Here are some questions you can answer that can guide you if they are or not: Adapted from ”Codependency for Dummies. 2nd Ed. 2014. John Wiley & Son, Inc.” by Darlene Lancer. 2108 How does a child…

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“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.” Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass Important things you have to know: Firstly, you have to be happy and content on your own to be satisfied with another person. Never expect your partner to make you happy. He/she can add to your happiness and contentment and help you lead a fuller life. They will not be able to ‘make’ you happy. If that is what you expect from a partner, you will be…

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Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. https://www.mobieg.co.za/abuse/child-sexual-abuse-why-dont-kids-tell/ What is the legal age for consent in South Africa? The law defines a child as a person under the age of 18 years. However, the age of consent is 16 years, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. It means that adults in South Africa (someone over 18) cannot have sex with minors (12, 13, 14 and 15). Sexual abuse can also happen in adult relationships, known as “intimate partner sexual violence”. What is intimate partner sexual violence?…

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How you argue — especially how you end an argument — can determine your relationship’s long-term success or failure. A primary requirement for any fight is to maintain control. You do not have the license to be childish, abusive or immature. If you have legitimate feelings, you are entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.) Disagreements in relationships are inevitable. The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it meaning to get…

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My thoughts… “Nothing matters.” “I wonder how many people would come to my funeral?” “Sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.” “Everyone would be better off without me.” “You won’t have to worry about me much longer.” These are RED FLAGS and warrant your immediate attention – seek professional help right away.  “Soak up the views. Take in the bad weather and the good weather. You are not the storm.” Matt Haig The good news: Suicide is preventable. Depression and suicidal feelings are treatable mental disorders. The bad news: Suicide is the 3rd leading cause…

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The reason could be the overuse of technology (cell phones, for example.)  According to researchers, “connection addiction” can rewire (hi-jack) your brain. “A computer is like electronic cocaine, fueling cycles of mania followed by depressive stretches,” says Peter Whybrow, the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior director at UCLA. What does brain hijacking mean? Brain hijacking is the application of principles from fields including neuroscience, behavioural psychology and sociology to develop compulsive elements for consumer technologies. “The more you engage in any type of emotion or behaviour, the greater your desire for it will become”.  Are my kids addicted to it?…

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Often people who struggle with depression, anxiety, suicide, and self-destructive behaviours as adults have a history of childhood trauma. The self-destructive behaviours they present with may include self-harm (cutting), overeating, anorexia, alcohol & drug abuse and suicide attempts. It is not always easy to connect childhood abuse and your current mental and physical health status. One of the ways your mind protects you against trauma is to let you dissociate from the trauma, your environment and yourself as a survival mechanism. It is possible to stay disconnected during childhood, adolescence into adulthood.  Often people only face what happened to them when…

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”Never let someone who contributes so little to a relationship control so much of it.” Geekoandfly When we think of abusive relationships, we often picture black eyes and broken bones. But while abuse often escalates to physical violence, it does not start that way. Abusers are often charming, attentive, and sweet at the beginning of a relationship. An abuser will work to make you feel so appreciated and loved. You won’t even notice he is controlling you — sometimes until it’s too late. There are warning signs we can look out for, to help us spot an abusive relationship, before…

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“If you want to earn a certain amount of money, develop yourself into the person who is worth being paid that amount of money.” What does it mean to be employable? ‘Employ-ability’ is a set of achievements – skills, understandings and personal attributes – that make a person more likely to gain employment and be successful in their chosen occupations, which benefits themselves, the workforce, the community and the economy. Employability is not the same as gaining a job. Rather it implies something about the person’s capacity to function in a job and move between positions, thus remaining employable throughout their…

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Most people sometimes feel unhappy, sad, miserable or just down. Depression is different from that, in the sense that a person feels down for a more extended period of time, and the feeling involves the person’s total being. It means we are emotionally unhealthy.  Depression is a normal response to abnormal life experiences. The symptoms are a messenger of a deeper problem. “We have been systematically misinformed about what depression and anxiety are. What if depression is, in fact, a form of grief—for our own lives not being as they should? What if it is a form of grief for the connections…

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Abusers are not easy to spot. There is no ‘typical’ abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. However, they often only abuse behind closed doors. They also try to hide the abuse by causing injuries that can be hidden and do not need a doctor. Partners often report the following:¹ He has this attitude that ”I owe him” He twists things around that it is always my fault. He runs my life which suffocates me. Others think highly of him – they never see the side I have to live with.  He says he…

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“More than half of the nine – to 17-year-olds in South Africa have seen sexual images on a phone or online device in the past year. The 2022 Disrupting Harm survey reports that more than 95% of children in South Africa have access to the internet via a mobile device.” Robyn Wolf Vorster, Daily Maverick, 12 Dec 2023 What is sexting? Sexting is the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone. When people talk about sexting, they usually refer to sending and receiving: naked pictures or ‘nudes.’ ‘underwear shots’ sexual or ‘dirty pics’ rude text messages or…

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Alcohol use in South Africa is double the world norm, making us a hard-drinking country. It is also the drug of choice of our youth. Between 7.5% and 31.5% of South Africans have an alcohol problem or are at risk of developing one (NDMP 2006-2011) Alcohol abuse never affects one person – it affects families. There is hardly a family that hasn’t been touched in some way: whether you’re the child of an alcoholic or someone who has been punched on a night out, the fetal-alcohol-syndrome baby of an alcoholic mother, the abused spouse – there are so many examples.…

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You have a choice: https://youtu.be/O5fdjtECY08 Contraception (birth control/family planning) is the deliberate use of artificial methods or other techniques to prevent pregnancy due to sexual intercourse. In South Africa, contraceptive products are provided free of charge to citizens at provincial hospitals and clinics.  You need a prescription to obtain birth control from a chemist. The primary forms of artificial contraception are: 1. Barrier methods: Male or female condoms 2. Contraceptive pill: Combined pill which contains estrogen & progestogen (COC pills) or a progestogen-only medicine (POP pills) 3. Injection: contains the hormone progestin; one is given every 2 months (eight weeks)…

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“God has mercifully ordered that the human brain works slowly; first, the blow, hours afterwards, the bruise.”  Walter de la Mare, The Return Trauma (psychological) is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster. Your psyche gets hurt by a distressing event, which could be a single experience, or an enduring or repeating event, that completely overwhelms your ability and emotions to cope with that experience. Symptoms of trauma Immediately after the event, a wide array of symptoms can be experienced by a person: shock, denial, anger, rage, sadness, confusion, terror, shame, humiliation, grief,…

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Young love is a flame; beautiful, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable. – Henry Ward Beecher Puppy Love Puppy love (infatuation) is the first kind of romantic love we feel as teenagers. It is part of an immature relationship without the long term commitments that comes with mature relationships. The feelings that are commonly felt are very intense feelings of desire, passion and excitement. The focus of puppy love is on feelings  (usually your own)– which can change quickly without explanation. Characteristics…

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What is the secret to being good at relationships? Did you know emotionally mature people find it easy to build and maintain healthy relationships? ”Emotional maturity is the ability to handle situations without unnecessarily escalating them. Instead of seeking to blame someone else for their problems or behavior, emotionally mature people seek to fix the problem or behavior. They accept accountability for their actions.” Monique Judge What are the personality traits of someone who are emotionally mature? They are responsible, honest, and stable, empathise with others, stay calm under stressful conditions, are humble, have integrity, are well aware of their…

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“Anxiety robs you of the good and joy around us and makes you think you must always be ready for the next disaster.” SAM BURROWS Do you have symptoms of: Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate Sweating Trembling or shaking Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering Feelings of choking Chest pain or discomfort Nausea or abdominal distress  Anxiety feels like fear. It is a feeling of worrying, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. When it’s often caused by a problem that can’t be solved, like money difficulties, we call it ”worry”. If it is a sudden reaction to…

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A culture of silence and “staying out of it” in South Africa means that too many children suffer alone—often fatally. We’ve all heard the sounds of a child screaming. But what do you do if you suspect that your neighbour or relative’s child is being abused—or your child’s friend for that matter? Abuse and neglect are one of the number 1 causes of injury to children in the country. More children die of abuse and neglect than of natural causes. Most abuse happens in a child’s home. According to the latest crime statistics, in the 3 months between October 2022…

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Procrastination is the act of unnecessarily and voluntarily delaying or postponing something despite knowing that there will be negative consequences for doing so. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” Is this you? You put off studying for tomorrow’s exam till the last minute. You watch a TV series instead of doing the washing, while you have no clean clothes to wear.  You tell yourself you will go to the gym tomorrow, while you promised to go today. You need help to finish assignments on time and are way behind the rest of the class. Why do…

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If you have been raped, it is important that you get health care as quickly as possible. Why? To enable you to get medical care, treatment and advice. To collect evidence to support your legal case if you report the rape to the police. You will be asked to consent before any examination. You can refuse this at any time. Examination This is done to find injuries you may have anywhere on your body from the rape. Injuries are documented on a form called a J88. This will be part of your docket if you open a case with the…

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Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty – it is self-destruction. Bobbe Sommer The Self Esteem Institute defines low self-esteem as ”a thinking disorder in which the individual views (thinks of) himself as inadequate, unacceptable, unworthy, unlovable, and/or incompetent – thinking that permeates every aspect of a person’s life”. Dr Marilyn Sorensen argues ”once thinking is formed, emotions and feelings follow that are also irrational and distorted, causing the person to have difficulty knowing who and when to trust, inciting fear and trepidation in new situations in which a person may not know what is expected of him/her.”…

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Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women and the most prevalent cancer globally. About 1 out of 27 women will develop breast cancer during their lifetime.  Who is at risk of developing breast cancer? Increasing age: 50 % of women with breast cancer are over 40 years old Other risk factors are: Hormone replacement therapy  Genetics: A family history of breast cancer, although most women diagnosed with breast cancer have no family history.  The genes most commonly affected in hereditary breast and ovarian cancer are the breast cancer 1 (BRCA1) and breast cancer 2 (BRCA2) genes. Harmful alcohol use Tobacco…

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“The thing about goals is that living without them is a lot more fun, in the short run. It seems to me, though, that the people who get things done, who lead, who grow and who make an impact… those people have goals.” — Seth Godin What do you want from life? Are you just drifting through life? Do you feel you have little or no control over where your life is going? Have you lost your dream? Do you find you are not where you thought you would be? “It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of…

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What are the effects of domestic violence? A woman who experiences domestic violence in her home walk on eggs most of the time – she never knows when the next attack will come. She lives in constant fear.  She might become more isolated from family and friends – some are disowned because of their choice of a partner. It increases her dependence on the abuser to sustain her (and her children) and it becomes more difficult to leave. As time goes by, it wears down her self-esteem, and she feels responsible for what happens to her.  Most women feel too…

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