“You don’t own me…”

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For one in three young people, their first love introduces physical, emotional or sexual abuse.

Partner-on-partner violence is more common in South Africa than in any other country. Not surprisingly, one-third of young girls experience abuse and violence in their first relationships as teens. Dating violence often occurs when one partner wants to exert power and control over the other, and boys and girls fall victim to dating violence.

What is dating violence?

Dating violence is any controlling, abusive or aggressive behaviour in a romantic relationship. It can happen in straight or gay relationships. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.

Fast Facts on Teen & young adult relationships

• Research shows relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.
• A third of 11-to 12-year-olds said they have been in a relationship.
• Sex is considered to be already part of a relationship for 11-14-year-olds
• 25% of girls revealed that they were pressured to perform sexual acts
• 25% of girls reported being subjected to repeated verbal abuse.
• Dating violence happens in about 30% of all relationships.
• Young people ages 12 – 19 experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault.
• The ages of 16 -24 are the most susceptible to dating violence.
• 90% of the victims of violence in relationships are female. Women tend to believe the abuse is their fault and don’t deserve better.

RED FLAGS / WARNING SIGNS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Physical violence: While shoving and pushing can indicate, hitting is conclusive that your partner is abusive.

Symbolic violence is the destruction of things that belong to you. If your partner throws a TV out of the window – the message is that he can throw you out the window, too.

Fast-paced relationships: I, the pace is fast in a relationship. It indicates control. It is abusive to push someone into something they are not ready for.

Persistence: If he won’t take no for an answer, it’s not because he’s smitten. Anybody who fails to hear the word no, could be trying to control you.

What are examples of Dating Violence?

Examples of controlling behaviour:

• Calling you all the time

• Prescribing what you must wear, criticism, isolation

• Deciding who you may hang out with, jealousy

• Wanting to be with you all the time, quick involvement

Examples of verbal/emotional behaviour:

• Name-calling

• Belittling

• Criticizing

• Threatening

Examples of physical behaviour:

• Hitting

• Biting

• Pushing

• Kicking

• Strangling, cruelty to animals or children

• Pinching

Example of sexual behaviour:

• Force sexual acts

• Force having sex, playful use of force during sex

• Prevent using birth control

• Unwanted touching/kissing

Example of online behaviour:

• Posting embarrassing photos

• Posting threats

What are the effects on the victim?

Dating abuse can cause the victim to develop low self-esteem and depression, become suicidal, develop an addiction to drugs or alcohol, develop eating disorders or engage in dangerous sexual activities.