Young love is a flame, beautiful, often scorching and fierce, but only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable. – Henry Ward Beecher

Puppy Love

As teenagers, we often feel infatuated with someone for the first time. This feeling, known as “puppy love,” is part of an immature relationship that doesn’t involve long-term commitments. It is characterized by intense desire, passion, and excitement and mainly focuses on your feelings. These feelings can change quickly without explanation.

Characteristics of teen puppy love are:

• You think about that person 24/7.
• You can’t get enough of this person.
• You get a rush and exciting feeling when you see this person.
• You may blush, sweat or get heart palpitations upon seeing the person.
• You ignore anything bad people say about the person, especially your family.
• You feel sexually very attracted to the person.
• You are constantly checking your social media for messages from the person.
• You only focus on the good qualities of the person.
• You are unsure of this person’s feelings for you.
• You go out of your way to look your best for this person.
• You might lose your appetite for a while.
• You have been together for less than a year.
• You should give more information about yourself soon.

Puppy love occurs when young individuals are in the early stages of dating. At this point, they have limited knowledge about each other, and the experience is predominantly innocent. Due to the intense emotions involved, couples may hastily enter into a sexual relationship without possessing the maturity necessary to make long-term commitments. Often, they have not been in the relationship for an extended period (more than a year) or are fully acquainted with their partner.

What is a crush, and what is love?

When you have a crush, you like someone, but they may not feel the same way. It’s okay to have a crush on someone older or famous. If the person doesn’t want you back, it’s called “unrequited love.” Having a crush suggests your feelings aren’t powerful and won’t last long. It’s normal to have crushes when you’re young. It’s okay to have feelings for someone, but you might feel embarrassed if others talk about it in front of that person.

When you are in love, it can happen unexpectedly, without your intention or consent. It’s a deep emotional connection where your sense of self becomes intertwined with another person’s. You would do anything to protect them. Being in love means envisioning a future with that person and feeling unable to imagine being with anyone else. It’s about caring deeply for their well-being and always wanting to ensure their happiness.

Have you been dumped?

Sometimes, we are so in love that we don’t see that it is all one-sided. The breakup comes swiftly and with total surprise. What went wrong?

Read the following article by Jennifer LEE:” I thought he loved me, but it was all in my head.”

Puppy love & Sexual activity

A research survey was done recently among high school learners in South  Africa to determine whether there is any connection between learners who smoke cigarettes or dagga and the early onset of sexual activity compared to those who did not smoke.

The results showed:

Cigarettes:

Of female high school learners who initiated sex, 14.7 % were non-smokers, and 53,2 % were smokers.

Dagga:

Of female high school learners who initiated sex, 17,2 % were non-smokers, and 65,2 % were smokers.

It was noted that the more illegal activity (for example, smoking cigarettes or dagga), the higher the number who were sexually active.

Information provided by Prof Neo Morojele, South African Research Council, Chief specialist: Drug research unit; 2016

Puppy love & pregnancy:

South Africa has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy globally, with nearly one in four girls falling pregnant before turning 20 years old.

Statistics of teen pregnancy in South Africa: (school learners)

Statistics South Africa (Stats SA) shows that 90,037 girls aged ten to 19 gave birth in all nine provinces from March 2021 to April 2022. The report further revealed that of the almost 34,000 teenage pregnancies in 2020, 660 were girls under the age of 13.

Current statistics on adolescent/teenage pregnancy show that there has been a significant increase in young girls falling pregnant since then, namely that over 150,000 young girls were pregnant in the 2022/2023 financial year.

(Teenage Pregnancy in South Africa – Night Talk – Omny.fm. https://omny.fm/shows/late-night-conversation/teenage-pregnancy-in-south-africa?cloudflare-language=en-US)

Our teens engage in sexual activities from a young age without taking the necessary precautions to guard against HIV and pregnancy. Many teens in South Africa fall pregnant because they engage in sex too quickly during this puppy love phase. Many fear the breakup of the relationship if they refuse sexual intimacy. In most cases, it is too early for sexual intimacy.  The couple is too young and immature; the relationship is based on feelings, not thoughtful decisions. The association then falls apart, with the boy moving on because he is never ready for the long-term commitment of starting a family. The girl is left to have an abortion or to raise the baby on her own.

“I am not ready for sex, but he is pressuring me.”

There is a lot of pressure on males from their counterparts to have their first sexual encounter. It might help you to remember that sex is just sex. It is different for females, as most of them see romance, a life together and love as part of sex. So how do you decide?

Read the article by Carolyn Steber: “11 Signs Someone Is Manipulative To Watch For In Any Relationship.”

True love

The essence of love lies beyond fleeting emotions, as those can change. Love is a deliberate and thoughtful choice, a commitment to someone. It is a decision to stand by someone and invest in the relationship. True love is not instant; it matures over time and can’t be rushed or forced. To quote Robert A. Heinlein, “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.“

Characteristics of true love (each one as important as the next one!!!)

• You care more about your partner’s happiness than your own.
• Your partner is also your best friend – your soul mate.
• You are not envious at all in your relationship.
• You are both able to forgive one another.
• You make time for one another to spend together.
• You are free to pursue your dreams and goals in this relationship.
• You encourage and support one another in everything you do.
• You are 100% faithful to one another.
• You always treat each other with respect.
• You strive to better your relationship and spend time thinking about it.
• You each have hobbies, interests, and things you enjoy doing as a couple.
• You can resolve and talk through differences constructively.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

Get help

For parents:

“News flash: Forcing teens into dating exile by controlling all interactions they have with their significant others or “Rapunzel-ing” them away in a tower, secluding them from all other life forms, is counterproductive!”  says Ann Naragan.

Adolescents find it challenging to transition from teenage relationships to more mature ones. It’s unfamiliar territory for them, and their primary source of “relationship education” is their peers. As a parent, maintaining open lines of communication, avoiding overreactions to their stories, and openly discussing sex and healthy relationships will give them the confidence to openly discuss the positives and negatives of their relationships with you.

Your goal is to be the parent they turn to, not the one they rebel against.

Before you consider prohibiting your teen from being single until they reach the age of 40, consider discussing your expectations and rules regarding dating. If your teen confides in you, make sure to listen. Many parents struggle with this—they often want to intervene quickly and resolve issues, which can push their teen away. Start by quietly listening first. Your teen needs to feel unconditionally accepted before they will open up about their deep feelings. Make sure you create that safe environment.

QUIZ:

You can also test your knowledge of relationships by doing the My Knowledge about Relationships Quiz.

Reference:

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as. https://www.allgreatquotes.com/quote-171269/

Teenage Pregnancy in South Africa – Night Talk – Omny.fm. https://omny.fm/shows/late-night-conversation/teenage-pregnancy-in-south-africa?cloudflare-language=en-US

Robert A. Heinlein: Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to. https://www.bestquotes4ever.com/quote/love-is-that-16

Jannah, A. R. (2012). To Be A Father In Biutiful Movie (2011) Directed By Alejandro González Iñárritu Existentialist Approach. https://core.ac.uk/download/148594361.pdf