My life has been full of terrible misfortunes – most of which never happened. Michael de Montaigne

People with low self-esteem will often think up the worst-case scenario possible. They believe everything is their fault. It can become a way of thinking that paralyzes you. These negative messages we create in our heads are also called cognitive distortions.

Cognitive distortions are inaccurate thoughts that reinforce negative thought patterns or emotions. They are wrong ways of thinking that convince us of a false reality and drag us down.

There are a few central cognitive distortions that you need to know about and may recognize in yourself:

Filtering refers to how many of us can somehow ignore all the positive and good things in our lives and focus solely on the negative. Unfortunately, dwelling on a single negative aspect can be far too easy, and many good things can be ignored.

“Black and White Thinking” is all about seeing black and white only, with no shades of grey. It is all-or-nothing thinking with no room for complexity or nuance. As a result, if you don’t perform excellently in one area, you may see yourself as a total failure instead of simply unskilled in one domain.

Overgeneralization is taking a single incident or point in time and using it as the sole piece of evidence for a broad general conclusion. For example, you went for a job interview. It was a bad interview, and you didn’t get the job. So now you assume you are bad at interviews—period.

Jumping to conclusions is the tendency to be sure of something without evidence. For example, you believe someone dislikes you without the flimsiest of proof.

Blaming assigns responsibility for an outcome by blaming others for what goes wrong.

Crazy-making: When confronted by others, they tell them they are wrong and off-track with their observation – thereby telling them they can’t trust their perceptions.

Compartmentalizing: A person divides life into compartments, where one has nothing to do with the rest. It is a way of keeping thoughts, feelings, and behaviours separate from the other parts of one’s life.

Hopeless & helplessness: The person believes nothing can help to improve the situation and feels all is lost.

People’s beliefs about themselves and the world around them come in 2 categories.

1. Logical or rational thoughts: they are true; they make sense or are helpful.

2. Foolish or irrational beliefs: these are untrue, don’t make sense or are not beneficial.

Rational thoughts are positive and constructive and help you get ahead. Irrational thoughts are destructive and keep you back. Becoming aware of these in your life and questioning these thoughts and beliefs is essential. Learn to separate them. It requires thinking before speaking. Your goal is to stop negative thinking and practice positive rational thinking. To counter negative thoughts, you can turn them into a question. Here are a few examples

Irrational thought: My boss never liked my work

Question: Has my boss never valued my work?

Rational Answer: My boss was okay with most of my work but didn’t appreciate my work on that project.

Resilient people don’t see themselves as failures just because they performed poorly in one area.

Irrational thought: I am no good at anything because I can’t do my job.

Question: Am I not good at anything?

Rational Answer: I can do many things, but I messed up that project because I didn’t get the support I needed to finish it successfully.

Resilient people don’t let setbacks or bad events affect other unrelated areas of their lives.

Irrational thought: I am worthless.

Question: Am I worthless?

Rational Answer: I am valuable to my family and friends in what I do and mean to them, and I cannot say I am useless.

Resilient people do not solely focus on the negative aspects; they also see the good and positive in their lives.

Exercise for you:

Start writing down your negative thoughts. Question every thought. Write down the rational convictions and re-read them if the idea pops up again. Practice banishing negative thoughts and instead thinking positive thoughts that will help you get ahead.