It’s a really thoughtful question for a person to ask. It often means they are trying to be a good person but aren’t sure how to judge situations yet. Here are a few simple “tests” you can use when deciding whether something is right or wrong.

1. The Harm Test

Ask: “Does this hurt someone?”

• If it harms someone physically, emotionally, or unfairly, it’s usually wrong.
• If it helps people or at least doesn’t harm them, it’s more likely to be right.

Example:

• Helping a classmate understand homework ? right.
• Bullying or spreading rumours ? wrong.

2. The Fairness Test

Ask: “Is this fair to everyone involved?”

Encourage her to imagine switching places with the other person.

Example:

• Taking turns in a game ? fair.
• Cheating so you win ? unfair.

3. The Rule Test

Ask: “Does this break an important rule?”

Rules in school, families, and society usually exist to keep people safe and treated fairly.

Example:

• Following classroom rules ? right.
• Stealing or lying ? usually wrong.

4. The Inside Feeling Test

Ask: “How would I feel afterwards?”

Many students notice:

• A peaceful or proud feeling after doing something right.
• A guilty or uneasy feeling after doing something wrong.

5. The Public Test

Ask: “Would I be okay if my teacher, parent, or friends saw me doing this?”

If the answer is no, it’s often a sign that the action might be wrong.

Note:

Sometimes good people still feel unsure. That’s normal. When you’re uncertain, you can:

• Pause and think
• Ask a trusted adult
• Choose the option that is kindest and fairest

Learning right from wrong is something everyone keeps practising their whole life. The fact that she’s asking the question already shows she cares about doing the right thing.

Gentle questions to reflect on people, consequences and values you can ask yourself to help think through moral choices on your own.

Here are some good questions you can ask.

1. “Who could be affected by this?”

This helps her notice that actions affect other people.

Follow-ups you can ask:

• “How might they feel about it?”
• “Would anyone get hurt or left out?”

2. “How would you feel if someone did this to you?”

This builds empathy.

You might add:

• “Would it feel fair?”
• “Would you think it was kind?”

3. “What do you think might happen after you do this?”

This helps her think about consequences.

Possible follow-ups:

• “What might happen right away?”
• “What might happen later?”

4. “What choice would make you feel proud afterwards?”

This helps her listen to her conscience.

You can also ask:

• “Which choice would make you feel uncomfortable or guilty?”

5. “Is there a kinder way to handle this?”

Many situations aren’t simply right or wrong — there may be a better way.

Example:

• Instead of ignoring someone ? include them.
• Instead of reacting angrily ? talk calmly.

6. “What would a person you respect do?”

Children often understand right and wrong by thinking about role models.

You might say:

• “What do you think your teacher /parent /hero would do?”

7. “If everyone did this, would it make things better or worse?”

This helps her think about fairness and responsibility.

Example:

• If everyone cheated ? school wouldn’t be fair.

Reference List

Books and Academic Sources

1. Kohlberg, L. (1981). Essays on Moral Development, Volume I: The Philosophy of Moral Development. San Francisco: Harper & Row.

   • Foundational work describing stages of how children develop moral reasoning.

2. Piaget, J. (1965). The Moral Judgment of the Child. New York: Free Press.

   • Classic research on how children understand rules, fairness, and right versus wrong.

3. Narvaez, D., & Lapsley, D. (2009). Personality, Identity, and Character: Explorations in Moral Psychology. Cambridge University Press.

   • Discusses moral identity and how reflection and questioning help moral decision-making.

4. Rest, J. R., Narvaez, D., Bebeau, M. J., & Thoma, S. J. (1999). Postconventional Moral Thinking: A Neo-Kohlbergian Approach. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

   • Explains how individuals develop more complex ethical reasoning through reflection and dialogue.

5. Lickona, T. (1991). Educating for Character: How Our Schools Can Teach Respect and Responsibility. New York: Bantam Books.

   • Practical approaches for helping students think about moral choices and develop character.

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Educational and Practical Sources

6. Kidder, R. M. (2009). How Good People Make Tough Choices: Resolving the Dilemmas of Ethical Living. New York: HarperCollins.

   • Introduces ethical questioning strategies that help individuals think through moral dilemmas.

7. Character Education Partnership (Character.org). (2010). Eleven Principles of Effective Character Education.

   • Provides frameworks for teaching ethical thinking and decision-making in schools.

8. Berk, L. E. (2018). Development Through the Lifespan (7th ed.). Pearson.

   • Includes discussion of moral development and how adults can guide children through reflective questioning.