‘The guy who made me pregnant just said it wasn’t his – and walked away. I am 12 years old. ” South African teen NOTE: It is easy to prove he is the father by doing DNA testing either on him and the baby when the baby is born or on him and the fetus if you have a legal abortion. ‘DNA paternity testing is the use of DNA profiling (known as genetic fingerprinting) to determine whether two individuals are biologically parent and child. You may take a paternity test at the National Health Laboratory Service to determine whether you…

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish but will not replace you as the driver.” Ayn Rand “You have just finished your studies and have started your first job. You are entering the world of adulthood and earning a salary. It is an exciting time with many decisions about spending Money. If you learn to manage your Money while you are young, you will be able to have financial security as you grow older.” Questions you might have: Should you buy or rent accommodation? What about the fancy German car you have always dreamed about?…

If you suffer from panic attacks or anxiety,  grounding is a practice that can help you pull away from flashbacks, unwanted memories, and negative or challenging emotions. An example of grounding from Scott Jeffrey: “You’re walking barefoot on the beach. Feel the warmth of the sun contacting your skin. Listen to the rhythm of the crashing waves. Smell the ocean wind as it brushes through you. Now, notice your feet. Do you feel a tingly sensation in your feet or legs as warmth rises in your body? Perhaps you’ve noticed a similar feeling while walking barefoot on the grass. In those moments,…

“Place your hand over your heart; can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason, so don’t ever give up.” – Unknown It is crucial to believe someone who expresses suicidal ideation – from fleeting thoughts about suicide to having a detailed plan set out on how to commit suicide. About 1 in 10 deaths in SA are by people committing suicide. It is scary, but if we know what to look for and what to do, we can prevent suicide. Feeling suicidal shouldn’t be kept a secret. It is crucial to reach out for help.…

“PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions.” – Susan Pease Banitt. What is PTSD? PTSD is an anxiety disorder triggered by a terrifying event that left the person feeling helpless and hopeless. It usually develops within 3 months after a highly traumatic event. Why do people get PTSD? The subconscious mind never forgets. The stories are eerily similar. The patient awakens from a terrifying recurrent dream, sweating, heart beating fast, and often unable to fall asleep again that night. Young and old have suffered trauma on the battlefield, others at home from…

“It hurts the most when the person that made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today.” Healthyplace.com What makes women pick the ”wrong guy” time and again? ”’ He started courting me with a rush of intensity. When I finally started to open up to him, he reacted with aloofness and indifference”.  ”He suddenly doesn’t come home anymore”.” He made someone else pregnant”. ”He doesn’t talk to me anymore”. ”He blames me for everything”. Women are swept off their feet by ”prince Charming”.  They have a romantic idealisation of the relationship rooted in their subconscious mind,…

Confining a resume to a single page is good advice for anyone. – Daniel Lyons What is the purpose of a CV? The primary goal of a CV is to secure you the first interview. Understanding that a well-crafted CV is just the beginning of your job application journey is crucial. It serves as a door-opener, allowing you to showcase your skills and personality during the in-person interview, ultimately increasing your chances of landing the job. Given its significance, it’s essential to regularly update and refine your CV to ensure it effectively represents your qualifications and experiences. ”Imagine that you…

It isn’t BIG to make others feel small. Bullying is all too common. Bullying occurs in childhood and adulthood. Bullying causes anxiety and depression, which could lead to self-mutilation, substance abuse and even suicidal thoughts. Bullying is never acceptable and can be highly dangerous. Children who are being bullied should tell their parents or a teacher. Parents should talk to teachers and administrators. Friends, neighbours, relatives, and the community must get behind the effort in South Africa to stop bullying incidents. By understanding and recognising this hurtful behaviour, we can more easily take steps to stop it. Anonymous Quote on…

Note: Raise your child in a functional family. Children who grow up in dysfunctional families are more likely to be drawn into gangs. What are the core elements of a functional family? Functional families encourage and provide: R-E-S-P-E-C-T Respect is of the utmost importance in a functional family. It is not easily achieved among all family members, but healthy families eagerly pursue it. Respect means everyone is considerate of one another. They love and care for each other consistently. They create an emotionally safe environment. In an emotionally safe environment, all family members can share their opinions and thoughts without…

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Going through heartbreak can feel like being underwater when you need to breathe. We build our lives with someone we trust and care for, and then, in the blink of an eye, it’s all gone. This can leave people with sorrow, anger, and serious questions — about themselves and the future. If you’re dealing with heartbreak and want to heal, try these suggestions to find the new you.

“Loving or hating the life you are living is solely all in your repeated self-talk.” – Edward Mbiaka What is self-talk? Self-talk is your communication with yourself in a way that helps you get through tough times. Even though you might not know it, you’re already practising self-talk. Self-talk is your inner voice, the voice in your mind that says things you don’t necessarily say aloud. Often, self-talk happens without you even realising it and can be a subtle running commentary in your mind’s background. But what you say in your mind can determine how you feel about who you…

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Emergency contraceptive (EC) pills, often referred to as the “morning-after pill”, are commonly used to prevent pregnancy after sexual intercourse and can be effective up to 72 hours after intercourse. It helps to prevent 3 out of 4 pregnancies that would have happened. Please note: According to MSI United Kingdom Reproductive Choices, the morning-after pill can be effective up to 96 hours after intercourse. Where can I get it? Emergency contraceptive pills (high-dose hormone pills) are available at most South African pharmacies and are available over the counter without a prescription if you are over 16 years old. If…

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Can an abusive partner change? When is it time to leave? A woman is murdered every three hours in South Africa. Domestic violence has the most repeat victims of any other crime in that a victim suffers 35 assaults on average before reporting it to the police the first time. That is how powerful being infatuated or falling in love can be. It is so powerful that you fall head over heels into an obsession with the other person and, in most cases, the idea of what the other person should or could be. When it comes to dysfunctional relationships, people usually…

“True friends are those rare people who find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.” A friend is someone you care about and who cares about you. It differs from an acquaintance who exchanges small talk with you. A friend interacts and communicates with you on a deeper level, where there is mutual trust, comfort, acceptance, and loyalty. Alfred Adler, a Viennese psychologist said:¹ ”It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals…

Within two to four weeks of HIV entering the body, 40% to 90% of people experience flu-like symptoms known as Acute Retroviral Syndrome (ARS). The flu-like symptoms are a sore throat, fever and body rash. But sometimes HIV symptoms don’t appear for years—sometimes even a decade—after infection. Most HIV infections do not have any symptoms. A person infected with HIV can remain healthy and symptom-free for many years. A person is diagnosed with AIDS when they have developed an AIDS-related condition or symptom, called an opportunistic infection or AIDS-related cancer. The diseases are called ‘opportunistic’ because they exploit a weakened…

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not, and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow What is your standard answer when someone asks you how are you? Do you say:  ”Fine, thank you, I’m good”? Do you know that ”fine” isn’t a feeling nor ”good”? It is sometimes difficult to describe what we feel because we sense emotions physically in our bodies. Some languages have limited words to convey emotions. We also tend to avoid saying what we feel. Imagine answering someone who asks you how you are…

What is Tourette syndrome? Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that may cause sudden, unwanted, and uncontrolled rapid and repeated movements or vocal sounds called tics. TS is one of a group of disorders of the developing nervous system called tic disorders. It is a disability. https://youtu.be/1w8lPOgFxt4 People with Tourette syndrome may have co-occurring conditions, namely other mental, behavioural, or developmental conditions that may be present before the onset of tics. While tics are the primary symptoms, these co-occurring conditions may cause more problems and be more bothersome than the tics themselves. Terms associated with Tourette’s syndrome Coprolalia…

Fear doesn’t stop death, it stops life. We are born with only two innate fears – the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds – the natural, meaning quality or ability you are born with or present naturally. Both cause a flight, fight or freeze response. It makes us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it. No human life has ever existed without the experience of fear. It is a typical human experience. Dr Karl Albrecht described 5 types of common fears that he identified in humans, namely the fear of Extinction – for example,…

What is sexual harassment? Sexual harassment is a behaviour – the critical word is ”UNWELCOME BEHAVIOR”.  It includes a range of actions from mild transgressions (verbal or physical) to sexual abuse or assault that is unwelcome to the victim.¹ Examples: a man whistles to a woman who walks by (catcalls) he shouts out suggestive comments to her he blocks her path if she tries to pass a woman looks a man up and down when he approaches her (elevator eyes) a person tells sexual jokes or makes sexual comments in the office A hostile work environment is where such behaviour happens,…

Why is it so important? 720,000 images of children being sexually abused are uploaded on the internet EVERY DAY. Boys and very young children are sexually exploited online. Both are more likely to face the most severe and extreme forms of abuse. We are witnessing an increase in the misuse of technology to groom children for sexual purposes, sextortion and self-generated child sexual images. The vast majority of online child sexual abuse material is made by those in the victim’s trust circle, such as coaches, teachers and caregivers. Identifying children in abuse material can be crucial to locating offenders. A…

On being bipolar: “The high is tremendous. Ideas and feelings of euphoria flow fast. You chase shooting stars. You have the power to seduce and captivate others. No shyness – driven by the right words that pour out, feelings of ease and well-being empower you to take on the world. Then the change.  The fast-flowing thoughts and feelings become overwhelming. The absolute clarity you had is replaced by confusion. Feelings of fear, irritability, and being out of control replace feelings of being in control. You enter the blackest of caves in your mind. ” (Goodwin & Jameson, 1990, pp17-18¹) Bipolar…

“I Always Knew There Was Something Different About Me.” Do you struggle to sit still, focus on a task, tend to interrupt others while they talk, find it difficult to concentrate or act impulsively without thinking things through? Most of us experience this occasionally, but for a person with ADHD, these behaviours are uncontrollable and persistent. It interferes with their day-to-day living, so they struggle to learn, form lasting relationships or pursue a career. Attention deficit disorder is also known as hyperkinetic disorder. Difference between ADHD and ADD ADHD includes the symptom of physical hyperactivity or excessive restlessness–that’s the…

How to prevent HIV if you had unprotected sex: Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) is a short-term antiretroviral (ARV) treatment that reduces the likelihood of HIV infection after exposure to HIV-infected blood or sexual contact with an HIV-positive person. The drug regimen for PEP consists of a combination of ARV medications that are taken for four weeks. There is no cure for HIV, but there are treatment options that allow HIV-positive individuals to live long, healthy lives. If someone is exposed to HIV or thinks he or she may have been exposed, there is post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) that can reduce the likelihood…

Condyloma (plural: “Condylomata”, from Greek “kondyloma” “knuckle”) refers to an infection of the genitals. The two subtypes are: Condyloma Acuminata, also known as anogenital warts, are caused by Human Papilloma Virus Condylomata Lata, white lesions associated with secondary Syphilis Condyloma Acuminata, or genital warts, are a sexually transmitted infection caused by certain types of human papillomavirus (HPV). They are generally pink in colour and project out from the surface of the skin. They usually cause few symptoms but can occasionally be painful. Warts typically appear one to eight months following exposure. Warts are the most easily recognized symptom of genital HPV…

1. Create a loving home environment The school and the home should be safe places. That includes getting to school safely. Unfortunately, many times, children feel they have no choice. They may prefer not to become a gang member but cannot see any other way to avoid the situation. Children may live in daily fear and see joining a gang as a solution to problems. 2. Create a safe neighbourhood Parents must work together to ensure their area is safe for living, learning, and playing. Children join gangs to protect themselves from rival gangs. They may view their neighbourhood gang…

What is DID? Dissociative identity disorder is a rare mental health illness where a person has multiple distinct personalities (alters) that control their behaviour at different times. It is caused by past trauma, usually sexual or physical abuse during childhood. The person has problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behaviour, and sense of self. The symptoms can potentially disrupt every area of mental functioning. It is common for the person to have gaps in their life story, Are there different types of identity disorders? There are three types of dissociative disorders: Dissociative identity disorder – where a person has two…

Depression in the elderly “The sun stopped shining for me, is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time, and the sadness is so heavy that I can’t get away from it. Not ever.”  Nina LaCour, Hold Still Depression is common among older people. It doesn’t mean it is normal – depression is a mental illness and isn’t normal at any age. It often happens that we fail to recognize symptoms of depression in elderly persons, assuming that it is just part of the ageing process. The aged may merely complain of having ‘’no…

How do I know if my anger is GOOD or BAD? Resource: Anger. Taming a powerful emotion. Gary Chapman. Moody publishers. 2015.

Many infants become anxious when separated from their primary caregivers ( parents). As they develop they learn to understand that the parent will return and they learn to comfort themselves while their parents are away.¹ Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (e.g., a parent, caregiver, significant other or siblings). The anxiety is beyond what would be expected for one’s developmental level. This can occur in children, adolescents, or adults but is more commonly found in…

Choice means the right, power, and opportunity to choose Every choice comes with a consequence. Once you make a choice, you must accept responsibility. You cannot escape the results of your choices, whether you like them. – Roy T. Bennett How do we make choices? It is an effort to make decisions. Therefore: People prefer that choices are made for them. For example – if you had to click not to receive an offer, most people would stick with the default option chosen for them. People do better with limited choices than with lots of options. They may feel they…

“When it comes to abuse, you believe there’s no way out. There is always help. There is always a way out.”  Rev. Donna Mulvey Quizzes about abuse Anger quiz Are you a victim of abuse Quiz Cyberbullying Quiz How do you cope with bullying Quiz My knowledge of relationships Quiz Sexual abuse Quiz STD Quiz Suicide Quiz Teen dating violence Quiz Articles and information on abuse A safety plan to escape abuse Abortion About abuse Adult grooming Anger Anti-social Personality Disorder Blessers Child abuse Child abuse – why don’t kids tell? Child neglect Child support Divorce Fear – how to…

PLEASE NOTE: WE DO NOT PROVIDE ABORTIONS – ONLY INFORMATION about ABORTION. Unplanned pregnancies are prevalent. At least half of all pregnancies are unplanned, and of those, one in 5 women will choose an abortion. It can be a challenging and emotional choice to make. Talking to people you trust who can give accurate information and support will help. Who may get an abortion in South Africa? 0-12 weeks of pregnancy In South Africa, any woman of any age can get an abortion by simply requesting no reasons given if she is less than 13 weeks pregnant. A woman under…

Adult basic education and training Anyone who did not finish their mainstream schooling (GR 1 – 12) and wants to attain qualifications in a flexible environment may register with any ABET centre. The ABET centres may give you placement tests to determine whether you are at ABET level one, two or three. How do I register for ABET? Interested individuals may register from Mondays to Thursdays at all public adult learning centres located in mainstream schools. Those interested in registering can call (013) 708-5027 / 766-0734 / 801-5173 for further information. For individuals wanting to apply for lower grades: If…

Do you suffer from: Itching, soreness and burning discomfort genitalia? A rash in your loins? Heavy white curd-like vaginal discharge? Sores in your mouth? White thrush on your tongue? Or Do you crave sugar? Beer? Pickles?  Cheese? Sugary drinks? What is Candida? Candida (technically called Candida albicans) is a microorganism found in yeast, fungi, and mould. It usually lives in small amounts in the digestive system and other body surfaces. Candida albicans is an opportunistic fungus that causes many undesirable symptoms, ranging from fatigue and weight gain to joint pain and gas. The term “Candida” refers to the general overgrowth of…

The term ”Sexual orientation” means to develop physical, romantic, emotional and sexual relationships with people.¹ A person is said to be gay or lesbian if they are sexually or romantically attracted to members of the same gender or sex. ¹ The term bi-sexual means a person is attracted to men and women. Note: Being gay is not a mental disorder. Is there a difference between sexual orientation and sexual behaviour? Sexual orientation is defined as who you are attracted to physically and/or romantically.  Sexual behaviour is what we do sexually, both with ourselves and others. Note that sexual orientation is…

Herpes is a family of viruses. Genital herpes is a common and highly contagious infection that usually spreads through sex. This infection is generally caused by the herpes simplex virus-2 (HSV-2).  The herpes simplex virus-1 (HSV-1) is usually responsible for cold sores. The name “herpes” comes from the Greek word ‘herpein’, which means, “to creep.” Herpes is a common STD, and a lot of people who have it don’t even know they have it. There is no cure for herpes, but treatment can lessen symptoms and decrease the likelihood of passing it on to someone else. Symptoms Most individuals infected…

A decrease in viral load is the aim and result of effective HIV treatment. If you are HIV positive and do not take ARVs, the HIV viral load in your blood will increase. Viral load vs CD 4 count HIV viral load predicts how fast the disease will progress, while other tests, like the CD 4 count, indicate how much damage the virus has already caused. Viral load in HIV Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is the virus that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). When a person is initially infected with HIV, the virus replicates — it produces more and more…

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you? Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did? Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you? Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you? Has he ever threatened to hurt you? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” – Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds…

“Love addicts live in a chaotic world of desperate need and emotional despair.” What is love dependency? Love dependency is a compulsive, chronic craving and pursuit of romantic love to get our sense of security and worth from another person. Fearful of being alone or rejected, love dependants search for someone who will make them feel whole. Is love dependency authentic? Love dependency is a process dependency, which, according to scientists, affects the same brain reward system as chemical addictions. It can be equally debilitating as drug or alcohol abuse. Love dependency is a little more complicated to define simply…