I recently watched parents in shopping malls with their kids. I saw a mom leaning over her shopping trolley, in which a child stood crying, trying to get the mom’s attention. Instead, she was texting, seemingly oblivious to her child’s distress. I watched families in restaurants—where young kids were misbehaving and trying to get attention, and both parents were happily texting away, also seemingly oblivious to their kids’ needs.
- My question is now – how has it happened that the person on the other side of your cell phone has become more important than the real-life ones you have around you now?
- What is the effect on children if parents are constantly glued to their phones?
- What is the price we will pay for the neglect of our children?
An article in PsychologyToday.com states that several recent research studies show the damage parents can do when physically present but distracted and less responsive because they’re attending to their smartphones.
They advise that parents turn off their phones 90% of the time when they are with their kids.
Psychology Today.com describes one study published in Developmental Science, where toddlers from 7 months to 2 years old were assessed for temperament, social engagement, exploration, and post-disruption reunion and recovery. The researchers reported that children expressed more distress and were less likely to explore their environment when their mothers used their cell phones. The conclusion is that moms on cell phones have children who are more harmful and less resilient.
They also described a large international study among 6,000 children between 8 and 13 years old, of whom 32% reported feeling “unimportant” when their parents use their cell phones during meals, conversations, or other family times. The children reported competing with technology for their parents’ attention. Over half of the children in the study said their parents spend too much time on their phones.
Parents using cell phones and ignoring their children at fast-food restaurants were also studied to assess the prevalence of this behaviour. Many parents pulled out a device immediately upon sitting down. However, most people use it during meals, often appearing more absorbed in their smartphones than kids.
These researchers found that kids whose parents were absorbed in their devices were likelier to act silly or be noisy. Many parents on cell phones were irritable and impatient, leading to worse behaviour. They observed that cell phone use interferes with healthy parenting: children “learn by watching us how to converse and read other people’s facial expressions. And if that’s not happening, children are missing out on important development milestones.“
Another researcher interviewed 1,000 children between the ages of 4 and 18, asking them about their parents’ use of mobile devices. The children’s responses were alarming. Many described themselves as feeling ‘sad, mad, angry, and lonely’ when their parents were on their devices. Some even reported damaging or hiding their parents’ cell phones.
Your behaviour when you pick up a mobile device when you are with your kids might signal them that they don’t matter; they’re not as attractive as what is on your phone, and they’re not as compelling as anybody, anything, or any ping that may interrupt your time with them. Remember, you are their role model, and your actions can empower them.
Psychologists agree that kids thrive when they receive consistent, dependable, focused, loving attention. This is not just a warning about the adverse effects of smartphone use but a reminder of the positive impact of quality time with your children.
Psychology Today.com warns that using a smartphone while being with a child is a form of psychological withdrawal and non-responsiveness. They encourage parents to stay off their phones with their children 90% of the time. It’s okay to answer an urgent text or make a quick call, mainly if it includes your child.
Implement family rules
- When you’re with your children, be with them. Put away your phone and other electronic devices.
- Establish family rules that no electronic devices should be used during meal times.
- Plan weekly activities with device/internet-free kids, like board games & outings.
- Lead by example – a child does as a child sees you do.
- Please do not use your phone or be distracted while entertaining guests. Always give your full attention to the person that is with you.
Here is a list to help you clean up your digital footprint:
Resource:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/going-beyond-intelligence/201711/turn-smartphone-mom-and-dad
How to Take Control of Your Family’s Screen Time – Baby Chick. https://www.baby-chick.com/how-to-take-control-of-your-familys-screen-time/
Blocking isn’t the solution – SafeToNet Foundation. https://safetonetfoundation.org/2018/10/17/blocking-isnt-the-solution/
Colbert, P. B. (2021). A Quantitative Phenomenological Study of the Proliferated Use of Electronics and the Impact on the Communication Skills of Prekindergartens. https://core.ac.uk/download/515914522.pdf
For The Children’s Sake, Put Down That Smartphone : Shots – Health News : NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/04/21/304196338/for-the-childrens-sake-put-down-that-smartphone?utm_source=npr_email_a_friend&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20140421&utm_campaign=storyshare&utm_term=/